Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
-From Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. Though often quoted as part of Nelson Mandela's moving inaugural speech, "Our Deepest Fear" does not appear in the speech.
Find loads of free Self-Help Resources and change your life from the inside out right here.
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If you suffer from recurring nightmares, here is a simple, cheap and effective way to potentially cure it for you.
Play the Aap Sahaee Hoa mantra 24/7 (listen above), or at least all night long while you sleep. It can be set very low, so you can only hear it if you put your ear up to the speaker. Or you can have it audible (the song is beautiful) by speaker or headphones.
It may take as little as one day to effect a cure. You can always test and see if nightmares return when you stop.
My clients report waking up feeling refreshed and no longer having any nightmares.
There are many versions of the Kundalini Yoga Mantra, Aap Sahaee Hoa. I am partial to the songs by White Sun, the Grammy-Award winning group.
White Sun has two versions of Aap Sahaee Hoa. The version of the song above (free to listen to on YouTube, or buy for .99 cents from iTunes, etc) is on their second album, White Sun II. An alternate version is available on their original album, White Sun. You can also buy it for .99 cents, or listen to it here:
Aap Sahaee Hoa is not only useful for overcoming nightmares, but for overcoming any obstacle- from enemies, to rough times in a challenging world.
Another mantra that is also a natural sleep aid is Ang Sang Wahe Guru. You can sample the White Sun version here.
These are completely non-religious. The mantras are part of the Kundalini Yogic Science and Technology that has thousands of years of practical use to back it up.
The most wonderful, and seemingly miraculous thing, is they really work, and quickly. I use various mantras myself daily, and often ‘prescribe’ them to clients for various issues. In the Kundalini Yoga tradition, practitioners work with mantra, breath and posture — and always number one in importance is the mantra.
If you liked this post, check out this one too for a mantra to help you release doubts and insecurities.
‘The mind at all times is experiencing a point of view.’– David Hawkins
Find loads of free Self-Help Resources and change your life from the inside out right here.
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Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
-William Ernest Henley
Find loads of free Self-Help Resources to change your life from the inside out right here.
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Learning how to shift into neutral is a critical skill. Even more so in these über polarizing times.
There is a negative polarity. It is real. These are emotional states such as anger, vindictiveness, condescension, disdain, hate, despair, any type of fear (from anxiety to absolute terror), guilt, shame, and even indifference towards others.
The positive polarity includes hope, acceptance, mercy, harmony, willingness, reason, and wisdom. And it becomes even more positive as we move towards joy, peace, love, and unconditional love.
The line between the negative polarity — which uses force to try to control others and uses coercion to get everyone else to agree (or beware!) — is courage, integrity and neutrality.
If you want to move into the positive polarity, it is near impossible to make that leap from the lower negative states. (See this link for more on vibrational frequencies and for the Map of Consciousness.)
Think of it as a ladder. First you must work your way up to courage and the ability to ‘shift into neutral’. And it does take effort to lift yourself up out of the darkness and reach for more light. It takes even more effort and training to be able to maintain the higher states around negative people.
You experience yourself through communication with others.
What do you want to experience more of?… Your anger? Or your kindness?
Emotions are addictive. They literally create chemical superhighways as strong as the drugs and alcohol that we ingest. So we tend to default to old patterns. We have to break the old emotional habits to establish new pathways.
We must learn how to break the connections, abandon the old highways, and move onward, forward, upward.
Your experience is not ‘reality’. Every day different people experience the same things differently. Your experience is based on your perspective. It is based on your programming. It is based on the ‘stance’ you take.
What made the Dalai Llama and Charles Manson have such different life experiences?
Where they were coming from, their inner stance, their perspectives.
From a neutral state you can learn to ALLOW, REFLECT, ACT.
This is in opposition to just reacting, which is what most people do most of the time.
Neutral does not react.
First you allow what is happening to occur. Then you reflect on it. Then you choose to act (or not).
This requires self awareness (the ability of our Self to observe our self) and the ability to be at least neutral. (Even better is neutral with a leaning towards the positive. But at the beginning, just aim for neutral.)
And neutral does not mean shut down or checked out or superior to others. It is fully present, on an equal playing ground with all other beings, in balance within ourselves.
I feel it as an internal shift, like driving a car, not braking, or accelerating, zero resistance, zero agenda, no judgement, just observing and internally resting in neutral.
Most of the time we actually react before thought even happens. Just a split second, but this has been shown repeatedly in martial arts and scientific studies. And this is why just dealing with thinking often isn’t enough.
We must clear the subconscious and unconscious layers, which are running patterns in the background of our lives. Then we can become able to stand in our own clear center and deal with anything and anyone from a grounded, clear, kind and compassionate position.
Ideas come and go, but who we are in our essence doesn’t change. And that is true for every single one of us.
The only way to heal ourselves and relationships (and thus the world) is to drop judgement, heal what causes fear, and to be available to each other.
And a critical skill is to learn how to shift into neutral.
‘We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.’ – Thomas Jefferson
Check out the Resources for Self-Help page for books, videos and other ways to help yourself.
Consider reading Getting Past Your Past and explore EMDR therapy if you have trouble getting over emotional triggers.
Contact me with questions or to get started with affordable therapy that can help you reset your emotional energy struggles and discover your own inner neutral state.
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‘Guilt is an attempt to purchase salvation, manipulate God, and purchase forgiveness by suffering. These attitudes stem from the misinterpretation of God as a great punisher. We think we will assuage His righteous wrath by our pain, suffering and penance. There his actually only one appropriate ‘penance’ for wrongdoing, and that is change. Instead of condemning the negative, we choose the positive.’
Barbara Patterson- Three Principles Practitioner and Business Coach
‘Fulfillment, happiness and success all felt out of reach. It seemed tied to this illusive “purpose” and somehow getting “on-course”. I thought it meant I had to overcome all my personal frailties and issues, or I would forever be lost...
Today, I’m incredibly grateful to know that is a huge misunderstanding.’
I often teach my clients and students that searching for a ‘purpose’ can be a confusing, no-win way to look at life. I prefer to consider what kind of experience I want to have. That helps inform my life choices.
Searching for a purpose implies you are incomplete in and of yourself, which is just not true.
Even if what you are doing in your life right now seems less than ideal — less than perfect fulfillment — you are always in the power seat when you are choosing the experience you will have, no matter what you may be actually doing.
#3 Inspiration- Won’t you be my neighbor?
A must-watch movie. It may look like a slow and sappy film, but it is actually very deep, thought-provoking, and moving. I grew up watching Mr. Rogers, but never got to know him from an adult-perspective. What a wonderful human being, who inspires me to be a better human being.
(I’d love to tell you where to watch it, but that is always changing. So just do a search and see what options are available to you. Highly recommended!)
#4 Inspiration- Horndribbles
Another great example of creative people making their own way in the world. I saw this colorful muppet-style art installation at a funky/cool restaurant in Denver called City O’ City. It’s inspirational to see the many ways people express themselves (and make a living).
‘In this groundbreaking book, therapist Resmaa Menakem examines the damage caused by racism in America from the perspective of trauma and body-centered psychology.’ He discusses healing trauma in Black, White and Blue (police officer) bodies.
‘Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it.’- MAIMONIDES
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The confusion comes around which ‘you’ we are talking about.
NOT your concepts of self, your created identities, or the stance you take on any issue. They are NOT okay no matter what. :)… They are subject to change and annihilation.
You are a lawyer, a barista, a politician, a hippie, a laborer, a computer programmer, an acrobat, a farmer? Well, that may be what you do to make money, or how you spend a large portion of your time. But if you lose that job, you just lost a job, not an actual part of you. You are still you, with or without that ‘position’.
I am a wife or husband. I am the child of my parents. I am a brother or a sister. I am a friend. Those may be roles you play, according to the rules (spoken or unspoken) that everyone involved has established. (Try changing the rules and see what happens!) Yet people get divorced all the time, parents and siblings pass away or disown us, friends come and go. And, yet, you are still you.
I am an American, I am a German, I am an African, I am Scandinavian, I am an Indian. That may be where you happened to be born, or happen to live. And, don’t get me wrong, these are strong imprints. But national identity is also just a concept of self. So are the locations. Look at a map from 100 or 1000 years ago, the boundaries were different, countries went by different names and identities.
People change nationalities, people move and learn to love (or hate) other cultures. But where you happened to be born is not tattooed on your soul. No matter where you were born, or live, your True Self is the ‘you’ without any labels.
I am a parent, you say. That is also an idea of yourself. We create meaning about what it ‘means’ to be a parent. And we judge other parents for their choices. And what if your child dies? (Look up the statistics, many children die from a wide variety of causes every single day.) Not to negate the pain of losing a child, but you would still be you, and no longer a parent in the active sense.
You are healthy and fit, or sick and ailing, or traumatized and injured. Right now, maybe. Again, these are not you in any permanent sense. And if it isn’t ALWAYS you, then it can’t be your True Self.
You are wealthy, middle class, or poor, you claim. That might be your experience right now, but of course it could change. Fortunes rise and fall constantly. But whatever amount of money you have, you are still here and still you.
And what of your striving out of fear of becoming a homeless person, or a bag lady. What IF you were homeless for a bit? Interesting to consider. You would find somewhere to sleep, something to eat, people to talk to. You would just be experiencing life in a different way. And other than any thoughts you might have about it, YOU would still be okay.
I am a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian! I am a Christian, a Muslim, a Catholic, a Jew, a Mormon! My political group, religion, or football team will win! I will fight for what is right or righteous. My group will rise above all others! Show me where you are that. Where’s the mark that makes you truly different, which separates you like branded cattle. (Just some ideas you’ve attached to. And ideas and thoughts can and do change.)
Every stance you take is just a judgement, an idea, and most of the positions we assume are inherited from our families, from where we born, from the groups we knew growing up. Few question these associations, few learn to drop the judgements and seek the Truth.
‘Ego’ is only a concept of self. It’s an identity we construct. Though few build it consciously. It could be loud and prideful, but it could also be seemingly humble and ‘spiritual’. The ego is any false self which separates us so that we no longer relate to others Being to Being. The ego is a tool we can use to live life here, but it’s no longer a tool when we believe it to be us. We suffer when we believe these concepts. We imagine we will die without them.
No matter what ideas we might have about ourselves, there is the timeless center, the true You, which is not affected or changed by experience.
I am outraged, angry, insistent! I am sad, depressed, lonely. I am afraid, anxious, worried. No, you are not these emotions. They are passing experiences, energy moving that is associated with ideas you hold — whether consciously or not. You are you. When the anger passes, you will still be you.
You are like the blue sky. Clouds come and go, like thoughts. Storms rage, like heavy emotions. But the blue sky always returns. At any point we can rise above the clouds, like in an airplane, and find the sun is perpetually shining. And even in the darkest night we know the light will return again in the morning.
The True Self is prior to thought. The Real You is Presence. It is pure awareness, essence, peacefully and quietly watching, interacting with the world through consciousness. You can never be what you think, not really. But you can get lost in beliefs and judgements and imagine that you are them and that you need them to exist. This is the real fear of death. Because True Life, which you are an integral part of, can never die.
So, you are not your body either, but that one usually takes even deeper inner exploration to discover to be true. Just consider that you were You when you were 6, and 15 and 20, and will be at 80. (Though the body doesn’t consist of even a single cell that is the same as when you were born.)
There are many who teach, and have taught, how to reconnect to the inner center, your Core Being, the True Self. It is integral to the therapeutic work I do with clients. If you don’t know who and what you really are, how can ‘you’ make the best decisions for you, how can ‘you’ interact with others sanely, how can ‘you’ manifest what ‘you’ most desire?
You don’t have to believe me. In fact, I want you to explore this on your own. This is not another concept you can think about and analyze: You can only experience your Self for yourself.
This is a great basis for meditation, whether sitting cross-legged or just practicing awareness as you move throughout your day. The shortest path to this self-realization, in my opinion, is not to look for what you are, but to notice everything you aren’t. The Indian Gurus said, ‘Not this, not that’. If it isn’t you for eternity, if it hasn’t always been, then it isn’t You.
And when you re-discover this, you will realize that you are 100% okay, no matter what.
The following is one of many free videos online from Eckhart Tolle. Just being in his Presence (even virtually) can help you reconnect to yours. Take the time to slow down and just absorb what he has to share.
And check out the free Resources for Self-Help page for more book and video recommendations.
‘Spiritual truth, then, is universally true and without variation through time or space. It always brings peace, harmony, accord, love, compassion, and mercy. Truth can be identified by these qualities. All else is the invention of the ego.’ – David Hawkins, The Eye of the I
https://youtu.be/2uXm65gtyAA
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Relax back and listen. This is not just a beautiful song, it is an ancient mantra that helps us to reprogram our subconscious. This particular mantra, Chattra Chakkra, helps us to release doubts and insecurities. You can learn the words and sing along to increase the effectiveness. You can sit quietly in meditation to increase it further.
Here are the lyrics (in the original language of Gurmukhi):
Chattra chakkra vartee, chattra chakkra bhugatay
Suyumbhav subhang sarab-a-daa sarab-a jugtay
Dukaalang pranaasee dayaalang saroopay
Sadaa-ung sungay abhangang bibhoota
Mantra is number one in order of importance in Kundalini Yogic Technology. Second is breath. Third is the posture, or asana. Everyone can do Kundalini Yoga. Even a few minutes a day will help balance all your energy systems, increase internal strength, and reprogram the nervous system. There are thousands of exercises, meditations, pranic exercises, and hundreds of mantras, so boredom is never an issue.
This is not the kind of yoga that takes a lifetime to master. You can benefit from your first class. Any level of fitness can attend. You just do what you can. The majority of the postures are simply seated. You don’t need more space than a yoga mat, or a large towel on the floor. If something gets too hard, take a break and do the breath and mantra. That’s it.
If life is feeling overwhelming, burdensome, even hopeless, you must take steps to help raise your energy and pull yourself up out of the darkness and back into the light. The light is always there, we just forget, and we get dragged down if we don’t do anything to offset the negative pull that can seem all pervasive these days.
The negative path, destruction, in many ways can seem easier. It is the path of least resistance, going downhill, sinking. But you may have noticed that you also feel progressively worse when you allow this inertia to take over.
We can take simple steps to return to neutral, to release fear and negativity and reset ourselves to the center. From neutral, we learn to return to our true Self and to release the old patterns which block us.
Then we can gain enough energy to begin to build towards the positive. The uphill, positive-oriented path may seem to take more effort, but it results in lasting growth, creation, true power, and a virtuous upward cycle which leads to greater feelings of well-being, joy, peace, and love.
And when we feel tired, we can learn to rest back in the neutral and recharge with simple exercises.
‘The secret is that only that which can destroy itself is truly alive.‘ – Carl Jung, Psychology and Alchemy
I strongly recommend Kundalini Yoga to all my clients. At minimum, listen to mantras daily. My favorite is White Sun. They won a Grammy for their beautiful second album. (Chattra Chakkra, linked above, is on White Sun II.) White Sun, the original album, includes many of the traditional mantras that are used in Kundalini classes and daily practices around the world. White Sun III is also beautiful and includes many lesser known mantras to add to your repertoire.
For Kundalini yoga workouts, I personally do at least 3 classes a week with RA MA TV. For under $20 a month you get unlimited streaming classes, with new videos posted regularly. (They offer a two week free trial period.) My favorite teachers are Guru Jagat (the founder), Gurujas (the lead singer of White Sun) and Harijiwan (the guru of the former two women). There are many other teachers and classes as well, but these three are deeply experienced, knowledgable, and steeped in the original Kundalini tradition.
You can also find free classes from RA MA TV online. Here’s one with Guru Jagat.
A quick note about Kundalini and its practitioners. No doubt, you will notice the white outfits and turbans. You will hear mantras in another language. Maybe you’ll wonder if it’s a cult or religion.
Generally speaking, the teachers are devotees and convert to Sikhism. They wear the traditional (or not so traditional!) garb. They are given new names that sound strange to Western ears. They eat a vegetarian diet and don’t drink alcohol.
Sikh means seeker, disciple or learner. Sikhism is based on the spiritual teachings of Guru Nanak, the first Guru (1469–1539),[9] and the nine Sikh Gurus that succeeded him. As you get to know these people, and learn about Sikhs, you discover they are some of the kindest and most down-to-earth people on this planet. They are not here to covert anyone to anything. They have families and jobs and watch TV and use swear words and tell jokes, just like the rest of us. In my experience, the teachers of RA MA have zero agenda, other than to help each of us find the tools that will best serve us, and to help raise the vibration of the planet one person at a time.
One more note: RA MA Kundalini Yoga classes are about 1 hour and 15-30 minutes long. You start by ‘tuning in’ with traditional mantras. Then the teacher usually talks for 15-30 minutes. Following that, class begins. Some classes are more active and workout-oriented than others. Some include more meditation. The key is to try a few classes per teacher and discover the ones you like the best. RA MA TV also includes shorter class options, as well as ‘Intro to Kundalini’ videos and much more. And some special classes are longer than an hour and half.
(Note that the RA MA TV classes may appear to be longer than the 1hr 30 min runtime, but usually the lead-in video screen plays for a while until class actually starts. I used to avoid these ‘longer classes’ only to discover they were almost all about one hour and a half long too.)
Lastly, the reason I suggest Kundalini Yoga to my clients is because it greatly supports the work we do in Intuitive Psychotherapy and Emotional Energy Transformation. Kundalini Yoga is therapeutic in many ways, including helping us to repattern and reprogram and heal ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In just 3-11 minutes a day you can greatly support the growth, transformation, and the inner work you do in therapy sessions.
A top question that psychotherapy clients ask is how to handle overwhelming and negative thoughts and emotions. Thinking and feeling are an essential part of being human, but learning to deal with the mind and flow of emotional energy makes the difference between self-mastery and feeling lost, hopeless and victimized.
A great place to self-start on this topic is with The Work, by Byron Katie. Everything Katie shares is available for free online, including a great many videos of her working with people who are suffering and teaching them how to question their thoughts.
The following is one of my favorite videos of The Work in action. It is Byron Katie working with a gay man who is struggling. You don’t have to be gay to appreciate and learn from this beautiful exchange.
Learning to question your thoughts isn’t new. Byron Katie didn’t invent it. For instance, Advaita Vedanta, a classical Hindu school of philosophy, taught Inquiry as a guiding principle. Ramana Maharshi is one of the famous Indian gurus (teachers) of this line. He became enlightened at only 18 years of age. I recommend the teachings of various Indian sages, especially for deeper inquiry into the nature of the Self, but the style can be dense and isn’t for everyone.
‘We’re all born knowing the truth, but by the time you’re four or five years old, they’ve beaten it out of you.’ – Attributed to Bob Dylan
However, Katie created a simple four question method that is very approachable by Western minds. And what is most important is that you find something that inspires you to learn, grow, and reach for higher levels of self-understanding and consciousness. This is the journey of inner evolution and is the way to positively shift the world. It is the path to reconnect to your inner wisdom, peace and wholeness. You start with you and your immediate world, and it affects the whole.
I also include links to Byron Katie’s top books and where to find her videos on the Resources for Self-Help page.
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Shared by Emily Marshall, Intuitive Psychotherapist specializing in Emotional Energy Transformation. Online & in-person therapy in Boulder, CO. Pay from the heart, get the support you need.
If you are wondering why you seem to be caught in a negative relationship cycle, or why a particular person consistently responds poorly to you, try this:
Become of aware of how you hold that person in your mind; the thoughts you have about them, the feelings you have about them. Now imagine that the other person knows those thoughts, just as if you spoke them out loud.
If they knew your thoughts and feelings about them, how would they respond to you? More often than not, you’ll see a direct correlation. Work on changing your inner experience of them, and watch the relationship transform. Try it!
So many of my 20-something clients are searching for a job they can do that they love and that is fulfilling. This is a beautiful example of someone who ‘followed their fascination’ to create their own livelihood in an unexpected and beautiful way.
#3 Inspiration- A quote that speaks Truth
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creativity there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it; boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.“
-W.H. Murray, a Scottish mountain climber and writer
#4 Info & Inspo- The Heart of Parenting
A must watch for parents of all ages, especially teenagers. Inspirational, uplifting and effective! George Pransky and Erika Bugee are a father-daughter team that teach The Three Principles, which is a method-free guide to living life with an open, quiet mind so that we each can connect directly to Infinite Intelligence and receive directly whatever guidance, inspiration and information we need. The video is about 1hr long, so kick back and watch when you have time to take it in.
This book is already on the Resources for Self-Help page, but I wanted to give it an extra mention this week.
What pattern (or patterns, as many of us use two) do you and those close to you default to, especially when under stress:
Leaving, Merging, Enduring, Aggressive or Rigid?
These Characterological Types go back to the era of Freud. Not from him directly, but his student (Reich, and then Lowen) branched out and developed this system of categorizing human coping patterns in a way that can be very helpful in psychotherapy and personal transformation.
Steven Kessler’s book is an easy to read ‘pop psychology’ book that clearly explains the positive and negative sides of each pattern. He also renames the five character styles to be more more kind and clear, versus the old, harsh Germanic psychology-based names (Schizoid, Oral, Masochist, Psychopath and Rigid). Yikes!
For those that have read The Five Personality Patterns and want to delve deeper, I recommend the books by Stephen M. Johnson, such as Characterological Transformation: The Hard Work Miracle, Humanizing the Narcissistic Style, and others. (Note that he also uses different names for the patterns. Pretty much everyone does, but the underlying patterns remain the same.)
I use this in my practice to better understand my clients and to help them better understand themselves and their relationships with others. Why does my boyfriend always threaten to leave me when he gets upset? Why does it often feel like my mother is sucking my energy? Why does my sister get so stubborn and won’t let me do anything for her? Why am I so quick to rise to a fight? If you read the book, you’ll quickly be able to identify the people in your life in the five patterns and you will gain insight into your interactions.
Martin Seligman, Positive Psychology: TED talk, why is psychology is not good enough. +Lots of great self-help questionnaires at his website here.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Just because things may not be going well in your life right now, doesn’t mean YOU are wrong in some basic way. Everyone has strengths and resources. In fact, one of the greatest indicators of resilience is resourcefulness.
Although this is not common knowledge, our natural state- when we strip away all of the concepts we have about ourselves- is FLOW. The natural state of everything is flow. You can learnhowto live in a state of connectedness, joy and peace.
What you focus on grows. So if you are focusing on the negative, it will appear to get larger and larger. What you identify with (or reject) creates your experience.
If you are ready to shift your old patterns, and discover the infinite intelligence and renewable energy that is yours, there are many teachers and methods to increase your energy, to rediscover your center, and return to your authentic Being.
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