You are okay no matter what.
Yes, it’s true.
NO MATTER WHAT.
The confusion comes around which ‘you’ we are talking about.
NOT your concepts of self, your created identities, or the stance you take on any issue. They are NOT okay no matter what. :)… They are subject to change and annihilation.
You are a lawyer, a barista, a politician, a hippie, a laborer, a computer programmer, an acrobat, a farmer? Well, that may be what you do to make money, or how you spend a large portion of your time. But if you lose that job, you just lost a job, not an actual part of you. You are still you, with or without that ‘position’.
I am a wife or husband. I am the child of my parents. I am a brother or a sister. I am a friend. Those may be roles you play, according to the rules (spoken or unspoken) that everyone involved has established. (Try changing the rules and see what happens!) Yet people get divorced all the time, parents and siblings pass away or disown us, friends come and go. And, yet, you are still you.
I am an American, I am a German, I am an African, I am Scandinavian, I am an Indian. That may be where you happened to be born, or happen to live. And, don’t get me wrong, these are strong imprints. But national identity is also just a concept of self. So are the locations. Look at a map from 100 or 1000 years ago, the boundaries were different, countries went by different names and identities.
People change nationalities, people move and learn to love (or hate) other cultures. But where you happened to be born is not tattooed on your soul. No matter where you were born, or live, your True Self is the ‘you’ without any labels.
I am a parent, you say. That is also an idea of yourself. We create meaning about what it ‘means’ to be a parent. And we judge other parents for their choices. And what if your child dies? (Look up the statistics, many children die from a wide variety of causes every single day.) Not to negate the pain of losing a child, but you would still be you, and no longer a parent in the active sense.
You are healthy and fit, or sick and ailing, or traumatized and injured. Right now, maybe. Again, these are not you in any permanent sense. And if it isn’t ALWAYS you, then it can’t be your True Self.
You are wealthy, middle class, or poor, you claim. That might be your experience right now, but of course it could change. Fortunes rise and fall constantly. But whatever amount of money you have, you are still here and still you.
And what of your striving out of fear of becoming a homeless person, or a bag lady. What IF you were homeless for a bit? Interesting to consider. You would find somewhere to sleep, something to eat, people to talk to. You would just be experiencing life in a different way. And other than any thoughts you might have about it, YOU would still be okay.
I am a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian! I am a Christian, a Muslim, a Catholic, a Jew, a Mormon! My political group, religion, or football team will win! I will fight for what is right or righteous. My group will rise above all others! Show me where you are that. Where’s the mark that makes you truly different, which separates you like branded cattle. (Just some ideas you’ve attached to. And ideas and thoughts can and do change.)
Every stance you take is just a judgement, an idea, and most of the positions we assume are inherited from our families, from where we born, from the groups we knew growing up. Few question these associations, few learn to drop the judgements and seek the Truth.
‘Ego’ is only a concept of self. It’s an identity we construct. Though few build it consciously. It could be loud and prideful, but it could also be seemingly humble and ‘spiritual’. The ego is any false self which separates us so that we no longer relate to others Being to Being. The ego is a tool we can use to live life here, but it’s no longer a tool when we believe it to be us. We suffer when we believe these concepts. We imagine we will die without them.
No matter what ideas we might have about ourselves, there is the timeless center, the true You, which is not affected or changed by experience.
I am outraged, angry, insistent! I am sad, depressed, lonely. I am afraid, anxious, worried. No, you are not these emotions. They are passing experiences, energy moving that is associated with ideas you hold — whether consciously or not. You are you. When the anger passes, you will still be you.
You are like the blue sky. Clouds come and go, like thoughts. Storms rage, like heavy emotions. But the blue sky always returns. At any point we can rise above the clouds, like in an airplane, and find the sun is perpetually shining. And even in the darkest night we know the light will return again in the morning.
The True Self is prior to thought. The Real You is Presence. It is pure awareness, essence, peacefully and quietly watching, interacting with the world through consciousness. You can never be what you think, not really. But you can get lost in beliefs and judgements and imagine that you are them and that you need them to exist. This is the real fear of death. Because True Life, which you are an integral part of, can never die.
So, you are not your body either, but that one usually takes even deeper inner exploration to discover to be true. Just consider that you were You when you were 6, and 15 and 20, and will be at 80. (Though the body doesn’t consist of even a single cell that is the same as when you were born.)
There are many who teach, and have taught, how to reconnect to the inner center, your Core Being, the True Self. It is integral to the therapeutic work I do with clients. If you don’t know who and what you really are, how can ‘you’ make the best decisions for you, how can ‘you’ interact with others sanely, how can ‘you’ manifest what ‘you’ most desire?
You don’t have to believe me. In fact, I want you to explore this on your own. This is not another concept you can think about and analyze: You can only experience your Self for yourself.
This is a great basis for meditation, whether sitting cross-legged or just practicing awareness as you move throughout your day. The shortest path to this self-realization, in my opinion, is not to look for what you are, but to notice everything you aren’t. The Indian Gurus said, ‘Not this, not that’. If it isn’t you for eternity, if it hasn’t always been, then it isn’t You.
And when you re-discover this, you will realize that you are 100% okay, no matter what.
The following is one of many free videos online from Eckhart Tolle. Just being in his Presence (even virtually) can help you reconnect to yours. Take the time to slow down and just absorb what he has to share.
And check out the free Resources for Self-Help page for more book and video recommendations.
‘Spiritual truth, then, is universally true and without variation through time or space. It always brings peace, harmony, accord, love, compassion, and mercy. Truth can be identified by these qualities. All else is the invention of the ego.’ – David Hawkins, The Eye of the I
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Emily Marshall is an Intuitive Psychotherapist who specializes in helping clients transform and release negative emotional energy and discover their True Selves. Online and in-person sessions in Boulder, CO. Rates are ‘Pay From the Heart‘.
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